Wandering through my inner bazaar

Istanbul-grand-bazaar-products

Time after time I’m getting lost in the bazaar, searching for something that I cannot describe… going a long way towards the great Unknown… enjoying the journey, without knowing the destination… I’m just like a bazaar, which insted of people and products is crowded with thoughts, questions and possible answers.

I’m a kind of “deep” thinker, having diverse existential problems. Sometimes getting dangerously close to the definition of a “philosopher” (my mother used to call me this way), trying to find “solutions” for the major problems of the humankind, falling into utopian projections, willing to do something with high impact and to save all those in need, feeling disappointed by the selfishness and indifference of people in generally, but in the same time confident that things will change bringing peace and happiness to the whole world….and therefore approaching the definition of whom some may call naive. Yes, sometimes I can be very naive, and meantime, paradoxically, suspicious. Suspecting and interpreting words and events in my own way, finding the hidden meaning of “coincidences”.

My mind is like a playful and restless child, drawing several unrealistic and even non-sense scenarios, explaining a wide range of phenomenons, events, facts in a more or less logical way or  imagining myself and others in different kinds of situations. Like how can some people feel bored when there are so many things to discover and do, how can one decide what is beautiful or ugly, what are other people thinking about, how would my life have been if I had lived in another place or time…or if I had  chosen another path, how can one hurt deliberately another person or animal, what is my “mission”, and the list goes on. Just like a chaotic and surprising bazaar, with many labyrinths and unexpected products, unknown and incredible ways out. Order in disorder. Disorder in order.

My neurons are throwing a party every time I’m traveling by bus or plane, every time I’m alone and having time to waste, every night before falling asleep. And I love to be in this “meditation” mood. That’s why, even though I’m a sociable and friendly person, who hates to eat alone (this occurs only when traveling alone), I really need some time for myself, some “lonely” moments to reflect on my life and on all those odd and unimportant things that come to my mind. I prefer to solve my own problems and questions in my bazaar, without being influenced by others, even though finally I will consult their opinion as well to draw a comparison. I cannot live without introspection, without wandering in my inner bazaar. Regularly.

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